Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

The need for effective communication in life—especially when dealing with difficult people or circumstances—is something often desired and assumed, but rarely explored. As the book argues, we come to conversations with a host of assumptions and preconceived notions about ourselves, other people, the world around us, and about the truths that we think are important. When we do this, we automatically assume that we are correct about all things: “We don’t see ourselves as the problem because, in fact, we aren’t. What we are saying does make sense. What’s often hard to see is that what the other person is saying also makes sense” (28). Effective communication demands that we see the other person as expressing a valid opinion and perspective as worthy of hearing and acknowledgement as our own.

All communication is a synthesis of who we are, who we’ve been, the experiences that we have had, and the things that we have learned. When we communicate with another person, we need to remember that they will have a unique way of expressing themselves that will not completely match our own. We need to recall that each individual has a past, as “it is only in the